Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
