Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize