small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
