dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sex in a hospital.. check
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
