FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
