So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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