Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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