The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
