dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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