I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
