There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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