There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
