brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
