They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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