I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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