some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.