I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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