my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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