Don't make out with my wife yet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
