He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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