worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
