That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
