told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
this is an emotional support booty call
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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