i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just invented taco cereal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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