I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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