No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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