You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Mom said you looked used
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
