so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
