Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
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And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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