I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
