every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
