My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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