my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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