She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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