Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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