i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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