also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
