oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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