Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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