i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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