He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
