I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
