drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
