so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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