I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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