If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
