I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
