Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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