I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
