Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
