I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
