whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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