Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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