Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
