I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
