the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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