note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
