I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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