i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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