Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
