So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
porn star boner night. come get it.
So squirting runs in the family.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
