it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
