I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
