All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
