did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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