remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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