We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
