I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
