If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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