just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
