i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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