Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
