guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
