oh god the rape fog is back!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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