I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
