I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
