I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
