I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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